


The Opposite of Two is a Lonely Me and a Lonely You

by CydSA



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Charity Auctions, M/M, Purple Dove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-05
Updated: 2011-05-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 00:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CydSA/pseuds/CydSA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam needs a place to heal. Kris offers his home. But sometimes healing works both ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Opposite of Two is a Lonely Me and a Lonely You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ally4](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ally4).



Adam took a deep breath. Everything hurt like fuck.

“It’s okay honey, you’re going to be okay,” he heard his mother’s voice from a distance and tried to turn his head to look at her.

“Mom?” he asked, wanting to know why he couldn’t feel anything but that sharp agony in his chest. No sound came out of this throat and then the burning started on his next breath and he wanted to scream with the pain.

“You hang in there, you hear?” it was Brad, sounding freaked and panicking and not like Brad at all.

“Ma’am, sir, I’m going to have to ask you to move,” Adam noticed the guy standing behind his mother who was dressed in a uniform and carrying a box.

“Is he…?”

Adam wanted to ask Leila why she looked so scared, sounded so scared.

“I won’t know anything until I’ve examined him.” The paramedic, Adam realised, sounded calm and confident and Brad took Leila’s arm to move her out of the way.

“Mr Lambert,” the paramedic’s voice was low and soothing. “I need to examine the wounds.”

“Wounds?” Adam shouted and again there was no sound. The terror must have shown in his eyes because the paramedic put a hand on his arm.

“You need to stay calm,” he said. “You’ve been stabbed in the chest and the throat and you have lost a lot of blood. The more you panic the more blood you lose.” His eyes were kind. “Do you understand me?”

Adam wanted to scream, “No!” but he blinked and tried to get his body under control. He tried to remember what had happened and then he recalled the guy in the hoodie, the knife flashing silver in the moonlight, the screaming and then the agony.

Adam realised that the flashing lights around him weren’t those of the club. The ground was hard and cold under his back and he looked up into the dark eyes of the paramedic and said, “Help me.”

No sound emerged but the guy squeezed his arm again and nodded. “I’ll do my very best,” he assured him and Adam closed his eyes and let the pain carry him off.

********************

The sound of machines beeping woke Adam up. His eyelids felt weighted and he struggled to open his eyes.

“Baby?” His mother’s voice came from the left and he turned his head to look at her. It sent a blaze of fire across his neck.

“Don’t move your head,” Leila told him. “The cut went pretty deep and they had to put in about a million stitches and you just don’t want to pull them right now.”

“Am I..?” His voice sounded like sandpaper and he felt like he’d swallowed razors.

Leila stood so that he could see her without turning his head. “He cut your throat, baby,” she told him, eyes dark and frightened.

“What..?” Adam rasped.

“Sh, you mustn’t talk,” her fingers were trembling on his mouth.

“Voice..?” he asked. She shook her head and his world crashed down around him.

********************

Kris heard the phone ring and ignored it. His mother had been calling him every day for the past three months since the divorce had been finalised. He wasn’t sure what more to tell her than that he was just fine.

He heard the shout before the banging on the door started. He sighed and left the cactus on the sandy floor, waiting to be planted in the dark red Las Vegas desert soil.

“Kris! It’s Daniel!” The fist on the door was typical Daniel and Kris opened it and his brother tumbled in. “Hey!” Daniel’s eyes were bright.

“Hey,” Kris grinned. “What’s with the yelling and the banging and shit?”

“Mama sent me,” Daniel told him and followed him into the kitchen. “Thanks,” he said, accepting the ginger beer.

“The emergency being?” Kris asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Leila called her, apparently there was some kind of ‘thing’ with Adam and he’s in the hospital and Mama thought you might want to know.” He sucked in a breath. “Okay. So that’s why I’m here.”

Kris felt something go ice cold inside. “What thing with Adam?” he demanded, running to get his phone. He picked it up and saw several missed calls, from Kim, Leila, Neil, even Eber had tried to get hold of him.

He dialled Leila’s number. “Kris, oh my god, I’m sorry I can’t talk now,” and she disconnected the call but not before Kris heard the sound of hospital machines in the background.

He called Neil next. “What the hell is going on?”

“Well, hello to you, short stuff,” Neil drawled and then he sighed. “Adam was attacked last night. He was stabbed a couple of times and he’s in the hospital right now.”

Kris felt the stirrings of a panic attack. “Neil, is he okay?” He wasn’t telling him that Adam was okay.

“He’s alive,” Neil said but there was something tight in his tone.

“What?” Kris asked. He knew that there was more.

“The fucker cut his throat,” Neil told him.

“Oh god,” Kris slid to the floor, his legs suddenly powerless. Daniel came up to him, eyes wide.

“What’s going on?” he mouthed and Kris waved him off.

“What do the doctors say?” He clutched the phone as though it was the only solid thing in the world.

“They haven’t said much,” Neil admitted. “I’ve just landed in LA so I’m heading to the hospital. I’ll call you from there if there’s anything more.”

“I’m on my way,” Kris said immediately.

“Kris…” Neil’s sigh sounded too much like a ‘no’ to Kris.

“I don’t fucking care if I have to camp outside in the waiting room for days, I’m coming,” Kris growled.

“Okay, fine. He’s at Cedar Sinai and I’ll text you his room number once I’m there.” Neil blew out a hard breath. “Kris, if he can’t sing…” he trailed off and Kris shook his head.

“He’s alive. I don’t care whether he can sing or not. He’s alive.” Daniel put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“Yeah,” Neil said and they were silent for a moment.

Suddenly Kris asked, “When you see him, will you tell him something from me?”

There was a small, but telling pause and then Neil agreed cautiously, “Okay, sure. What do you want me to tell him?”

 _Everything_ Kris wanted to shout. Fucking _everything_. Instead he whispered, “Tell him that he’s still the most important person in my life.”

“Kris…” Again with the ‘no’ in his voice.

“Tell him!” Kris demanded fiercely.

“You two are the most fucked up pair of idiots on the planet you know,” Neil sighed.

“I know,” Kris said. “I’ll see you soon.”

He looked up at Daniel when he ended the call. “I guess we’re going to LA?” Daniel asked and Kris had never loved his brother more than at that moment. The easy acceptance, unquestioning loyalty and he stood up and hugged him hard.

“I don’t tell you this enough, Dan, but I love you, bro.”

Daniel squeezed him back. “I love you too, you big cry-baby. Now, you go and get packed and I’ll book us tickets, okay?” He pushed Kris away but not before the pleased grin on his face had disappeared.

********************

Adam wanted to scream. But he couldn’t and that made him want to scream even more. Eber had arrived with a quick shoulder squeeze and a worried smile and then retreated with Leila and the doctors.

“Well, hello there, Sleeping Beauty.” The voice at the door made him open his eyes and he sagged with relief when he saw his brother.

“Hey,” he croaked and didn’t miss Neil’s shoulders going stiff at the sound.

“You sound like you just drank six bottles of Jack,” Neil came into the room and hauled a chair close enough that he could lean his elbows on the bed.

Adam flipped him the bird and Neil grinned. “This could be fun, you not talking,” he mused. Adam glared at him. “I mean, nobody ever wants to listen to me and maybe with you being the strong silent type for a bit…” he stopped and looked at Adam. “And I do mean for a bit,” he said, utterly sure.

Adam nodded.

“So, I had a phone call from one of your friends and I was told to tell you verbatim that _you’re still the most important person in his life_.” Neil watched Adam’s face. “You know exactly who that was don’t you?”

Adam closed his eyes briefly and mouthed ‘Kris’ and Neil patted his arm. “Got it in one, man.”

His parents came in just then with his doctor and their faces gave him nothing positive. “Tell me,” he rasped.

Dr. Fernish cleared his throat and said, “Well, the damage doesn’t appear to be permanent.” Adam released a relieved sigh but the doctor continued, “But you’re going to have to ensure that you do not sing for at least the next three to four months.”

Adam stared at him in horror. He was in the middle of laying down tracks for his next album and there was no way… “I’m very serious, Adam,” Dr. Fernish said, fixing him with a hard look. “Your trachea was damaged when the assailant cut your throat. Lord only knows how he didn’t sever your carotid artery.” He put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “You _will_ be able to sing again, Adam, I promise you.”

Adam nodded and swallowed and it fucking _hurt_. “Just follow my instructions and you’ll be just fine.” Dr. Fernish patted Adam and nodded to the rest of the room and left.

Leila came up behind Neil and said, “Well, you can come and stay with me while you’re healing, baby.” Adam couldn’t think of anything worse. He loved his mother but she was _his mother_ and he hadn’t lived with her since he was eighteen.

“The offer is open to come to me as well,” his dad said and Adam shook his head.

“Well, you _can’t_ stay with me,” Neil told him and he snorted a laugh.

“I’d kill you,” he grated.

“Too true,” Neil agreed.

“Then what?” Leila demanded. “I don’t trust you on your own and you need somewhere away from your actual life so that you can stop freaking out about not singing for a few months.” She sounded exasperated and Adam totally understood her frustration.

“Need safe house,” he said.

“He can come and stay with me,” a voice came from the doorway and they all turned to look. Kris stood there with his hands in his pockets, Daniel hovering behind him.

“Kris!” Leila ran to him and threw her arms around him and he automatically hugged her back, eyes never leaving Adam.

“Hey,” he greeted and shook Eber’s hand and nodded at Neil who grinned and nodded back.

“No,” Adam told them and he watched Kris flinch.

“Think about it,” Kris said, coming into the room. “I live in Vegas, out in the desert, no one will believe that you’re with me because of…” he trailed off, the tips of his ears going red. “…you know, our history.”

Leila watched Adam and he wanted to shout at her but he settled for not looking at Kris.

“No,” he said again.

“Think about it, baby,” Leila pleaded. “It’s a good idea and the desert will be good for healing and…” He turned betrayed eyes to her and she sighed. “Maybe it’s time the two of you sorted this crap out?” she suggested.

“I’ll go with him,” Neil offered.

“I’ll stay too,” Daniel said from the doorway and Adam’s shoulders slumped.

“Fine,” he whispered and he still didn’t look at Kris.

********************

They smuggled him out three days later, loaded him in the back of a mini van and Neil drove through the night to Vegas.

Adam slept most of the way, trying very hard not to think about where he was going and who he was going to be around for the next while.

He and Kris had not ended things well.

They had somehow found each other in the craziness of their season of American Idol and become friends despite their obvious differences.

Kris had been a friend, a cohort, a shoulder to cry on and Adam had shown him everything. They’d stayed up late writing stupid songs. Kris had learned how to do Adam’s hair. They’d fucked and then made love and Adam had started to dream of permanence.

He’d been so stupidly in love that he’d been utterly blind-sided when Kris had said that he was going to work on his marriage. It had taken him several minutes to compute that statement and then the shouting had started. He’d broken a lot of things that day, most of all his heart.

Looking back, Adam shouldn’t have been surprised. Kris wasn’t ready to be the front and centre poster boy for gay celebrities but Adam had been so angry, felt so betrayed that reason had pretty much gone out the window.

They still talked about each other to the press with apparent fondness. He hadn’t talked to him in years, hadn’t seen him other than at events and even then they’d made sure that they stayed on opposite sides of the room.

The only thing he couldn’t understand was why Kris had offered up his home to Adam for his recuperation.

Maybe this would give them a chance to figure out what had gone wrong and whether they could fix it…any of it. He had been offered an olive branch and had grabbed it, even though he’d appeared appalled at the idea.

Kris had been his friend first, maybe they could get little piece of each other back somehow.

********************

Kris made up the extra rooms, grateful that his house was large enough now to accommodate four men. He made sure that he gave Adam the one furthest from his.

Dan called their mom and then his wife, told them that he was staying for a while, for once showing tact and fielding Kim’s questions about Adam.

“You going to tell him about you and Katy?” Dan asked while they sat on the porch, drinking coffee and watching the clear desert night sky.

Kris shrugged. “Don’t think he cares,” he said and leaned back on the step.

“He cares,” Dan said and ignored the startled glance Kris gave him.

“How do _you_ know?” Kris demanded, not bothering to stop sounding like a dick.

“Don’t be a dick,” Dan said mildly.

“Sorry,” Kris said, apologising to his little brother for being an ass was something of a reflex action, “but seriously, how _do_ you know?”

Dan looked at him. “Because I have eyes,” he said with a grin.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kris was completely confused.

“He didn’t look at you,” Dan pointed out.

“So?”

“So, he didn’t look at you,” Dan repeated.

“You’re talking out your ass,” Kris told him and stiffened when he saw the lights approaching. “They’re here.” They stood and waited as Neil pulled up, jumped out of the driver’s seat and gave them a wave. They headed down the stairs and round the back of the van.

Neil opened the doors and Adam was sitting up, hair sticking up and eyes blurry with sleep. “We here?” he croaked and Kris wanted to scream. This wasn’t _his_ confident, ebullient, noisy Adam. This was some other Adam and this Adam had bruises underneath his eyes and a wad of dressing across his throat.

“Yeah, welcome to Chez Allen,” Dan grinned and hauled out two bags. “I’ll take these inside so long,” he told Neil who nodded his thanks.

“Come on, loser, get your lazy ass out of there,” Neil held his hand and Adam allowed him to help him down.

He flicked a glance at Kris. “Thanks,” he said.

Kris nodded. “No problem, I’m glad to help.” He sounded stilted and formal and it looked like Adam thought the same.

Neil walked next to Adam as he slowly made his way into the house. He flapped his hand when Neil wanted to help him up the stairs. “Fuck off,” he grunted and Kris suppressed a smile. That sounded more like the Adam he knew.

He followed them, scooping up the other two bags in the van and found that Dan had already shown them to their rooms. He paused on the threshold of Adam’s room, watching as he lay back on the bed with a small groan.

“I guess these are yours?” he indicated the two bags, both with purple tags.

“Yeah,” Adam said and he sounded exhausted. “Just gonna…”

“Get some rest, there’s a shower across the hall and I’ve put some clean towels on the chair over there.” Kris wanted to run. He’d thought about seeing Adam again, talking to him, getting back to their friendship at least if nothing else. But this reality wasn’t one he’d considered.

“Thanks,” Adam said again as Kris turned to go.

“Night,” Kris said quietly and went to the sitting room where Dan and Neil were already arguing about who got to hold the remote.

He snatched it from Daniel who whined in protest. “My house, my remote,” he called dibs and sat in the easy chair across from them, surfing quickly to the LA news channel.

“Seriously?” Dan asked.

Kris held up a hand. “I just want to see if there is anything about Adam’s ‘escape’ from hospital.”

He was relieved to see nothing. He looked over at Neil. “Did you call Leila & tell her that you got here okay?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Yes, **mom**!” Then he leaned forward. “Are you sure this is okay for you?” His face was serious. Kris was just grateful that despite the fallout with Adam, he hadn’t lost the Lamberts as friends.

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think I could handle it,” Kris told him. Then he sighed. “It’s taken so long just to be in the same place as him, I’m not sure this is the best time to talk to him.”

Neil stared. “Adam is best hit hard when vulnerable, that’s when he breaks,” he advised and Dan snorted a giggle. “God, you’d think that you were the gay Allen the way you behave,” he shook his head at Daniel.

It was Kris’ turn to giggle at Daniel’s annoyed face. “No wonder you never get laid, Lambert!” Dan muttered and crossed his arms defensively.

“I get laid,” Neil said with a grin. “Trust me, having Adam as a brother is more than enough to get me laid every night if I wanted.” Kris shook with laughter. “So, how’s your wife, Daniel?” He widened his eyes and Dan flipped him off.

“I forgot that you’re the bitch brother,” he got to his feet. “I’m gonna grab a few hours of sleep. I’ll catch up with you in the morning.”

Kris waved him off and leaned back in his chair. “You shouldn’t bait him like that,” he remonstrated.

Neil just grinned again. “He’s so easy to torture,” he noted, swinging his legs up on the sofa and lying down. “Adam’s no fun anymore.” He sighed and linked his fingers across his chest. “He hasn’t been fun for quite some time actually.”

Kris felt as though that was aimed at him. He ran his hand over his face. “It’s late; we should get some sleep and then caucus in the morning as to how we’re going to do this.”

Neil rolled to his feet and stretched. “Yeah, god forbid that you or Ad actually talk about your shit,” he grimace. “You two are such fucking pussies and it makes me crazy.” He pointed one finger at Kris. “We will sort this out while we’re here, Allen, you hear me?”

Kris put a hand over his eyes. “Go to bed, asshole, you can bully me in the morning.”

With an amused snort, Neil headed to his room and left Kris to lock up and turn the lights off. He poured himself a glass of milk, grimacing at the slight twinge the cold gave his back tooth and wondered how long he could get away with not going to see a dentist.

He made his way down the passage, trying to be silent when he peeked into Adam’s room. The moonlight spilled onto the bed in a dazzle of silver, making Adam’s skin look like a beautiful black and white picture.

His stomach clenched as he remembered days spent together, mashed up beside one another until they were almost one person. Adam’s beauty was undeniable. Kris had never thought that Adam was anything less than spectacular. Except from when he grew facial hair and dyed it. He grinned at the memories.

And physical attraction had never been their problem. Adam had always been too much. Kris had always been too afraid. In the end, his fear had broken them and now he had to figure out a way to fix it.

“Creepy,” came the gruff voice from the bed and Kris froze. He saw that Adam’s eyes were open.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he started backing out of the room.

“Quiet,” Adam said and looked out to the night sky. “Nice.”

Kris felt his mouth curve in a smile. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I like the silence.” He looked at Adam. “You comfortable?”

Adam’s nod was small. “So tired,” he said.

“I know what you mean,” Kris took a couple of steps forward. “Do you want a glass of milk?”

Adam pulled a face. “Ugh.”

Kris chuckled. “Mama always said it helps.”

“Moms,” Adam said in a tone of resignation.

“Yeah,” Kris said and sighed. “I’m gonna go now,” he said, indicating the door. “Let you get back to sleep.”

“Kris,” Adam’s voice stopped him at the door again. “Missed you.”

Kris kept his back to Adam and swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he whispered, the sound still carrying in the silent night. “I’ve missed you too, Adam.” He closed the door quietly behind him as he left.

********************

The sun exploded into the sky in the desert. Neil bitched about being woken up by it.

“I swear, my retina melted,” he moaned, dropping his head onto the kitchen table.

“And yet, you see,” Kris noted, putting a mug of coffee by his hand.

“Marry me?” Neil asked as he inhaled the coffee.

“Who’s getting married?” Dan asked as he shuffled into the kitchen.

Kris handed him a cup too and grinned. “Me and Neil, we can’t deny our love any more.”

“Oh god, I don’t want to hear this on an empty stomach,” Daniel muttered and went to scrounge in the fridge. “Scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast okay with everyone?” he called.

“Okay, I take my proposal back, I want to marry _you_!” Neil shouted to Dan.

“I’m already married, remember?” Dan scowled as he came back with the eggs.

“I didn’t mean for real, moron,” Neil looked at Kris who stared intently into his coffee. “How are you two related at all?”

“Bush or rock, Mama said,” Kris went to start the toast and then stopped when he saw Adam in the doorway.

“Morning, princess,” Neil waved him over. “Sleep okay?’

Adam dropped into the chair next to him. “Sun is bright,” he noted.

Kris laughed, heart feeling light for the first time in a very long time. “Wait till you see the winter mornings, then it’s like pulling teeth to get the sun out at all.” He stopped. Winter was a couple of months away and he was just hoping that Adam would still be here to see it.

He busied himself with the toast, listening to Neil and Dan snipe at each other, conscious of Adam’s steady gaze on him.

He poured a cup of coffee and gave it to Adam. “Still take it black?” he asked.

Adam nodded. “Sugar?”

Kris moved the sugar bowl nearer to Adam and gave him a teaspoon. For some reason, this all felt like domesticity, like they’d been doing this for some time. Adam took a sip and nodded approvingly. “Good,” he sighed.

Daniel was very good at scrambled eggs and flushed in annoyed delight at Neil’s rhapsodic praise. “Shut up, fucker,” he mumbled, stuffing a forkful into his mouth.

Neil held his hand over his heart. “To think I’ll have to settle for the other, not as talented brother,” he moaned, fluttering his eyelashes at Kris.

“As if I’d take you,” Kris snorted. “I’m no one’s sloppy seconds.”

“Not gay though,” Adam noted.

There was a brief silence and Neil raised his eyebrow at Kris. “I think that was your cue, precious,” he said and stood up to usher a protesting Daniel out of the kitchen.

Adam stared at him, face unreadable. “Cue?” he asked.

Kris sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you now, not while you’re…” he waved his hand in Adam’s general direction.

“Tell me what?” Adam’s voice was rough and demanding.

“Me and Katy are divorced,” Kris blurted.

Adam stared. “Repeat?”

“About three months ago, we finalised everything.” Kris felt his shoulders slump as the weight of Adam not knowing eased away.

Adam’s eyes were like lasers. “Why?”

“Well,” he shook his head. “We just grew apart, you know, me on the road, spending so much time in LA.” He shrugged. “Not really anyone’s fault, just happened.”

“What was Neil..?” Adam took a breath.

“Stop talking, man,” Kris reached out without thinking and put a hand over Adam’s mouth. They both froze.

“Sorry,” Kris snatched his hand away and wrapped his fingers around his coffee cup again. “Neil has been a good friend,” his voice was low.

“Not like me,” Adam grimaced.

Kris shook his head. “No, Adam, please, you tried, I fucked it up, not you.”

“Shouldn’t have pushed,” Adam insisted.

“Stop talking,” Kris repeated and Adam nodded. “About six months ago when we were legally separated, Neil came to see me.” He sucked in a breath. “He brought a friend with, Paul.”

Adam nodded. “Nice guy,” and rolled his eyes when Kris scowled at him.

“Yeah, he’s a good guy,” Kris agreed. “He sort of made a move on me.” His eyes flicked down to his mug. “I accepted the invitation.”

He looked up at Adam again and saw his jaw tighten. “That’s when I knew,” he said quickly.

“Knew what?” Adam grated.

“That it wasn’t Katy, it was me.” Kris stood up and started pacing around the kitchen. “That it wasn’t you, it was me,” he stopped in front of Adam. “I’m so, so sorry that I treated you so badly when I broke it off with you.”

He reached out again, unable to stop himself and ran a finger down Adam’s soft cheek. “I said so much crap to you that night, told so many lies that sometimes it feels as though I’m still drowning in them.”

Adam pulled away. “What lies?”

Kris went back to the coffee machine and filled his mug again. “I loved you, Adam.” He kept his back to him. “I was _in_ love with you and it fucking terrified me.” He turned then and let Adam see the fear and sorrow on his face.

Adam’s mouth was a thin line and he seemed further away than ever. “You broke me,” he told Kris.

“No,” Kris went to him and took one hand in his. “I broke _us_ and that’s the worst thing I think I’ve ever done.” He noticed that Adam didn’t pull away this time. “Not even my divorce hurt as much as leaving you.”

“Can’t change the past,” Adam rasped.

“I know,” Kris admitted. “I just want you to give me a chance,” Adam started shaking his head and he hurried on, “A chance to be friends again. Can we at least try to be friends again?”

********************

Adam decided to hide for the next few days. He used his injuries as convenient excuses and pretended to sleep every time Kris came into a room.

He knew that he was being a fucking coward but Kris had pulled the rug right out from under him and what was he supposed to do?

Neil cornered him out by the pool on the fourth day. “Really, Ad?” His eyebrows crawled up his forehead. “This is how you’re going to play the next couple of months, hiding away like a twelve year old girl.”

Adam scowled at him. “Fuck off,” he muttered.

Neil sat down.

“You don’t understand,” Adam’s voice was getting stronger every day but he made sure not to strain it. He knew what he had to do, so he was obeying doctor’s orders.

“You don’t know anything about what I understand,” Neil told him. He leaned forward, staring hard at Adam. “Kris and I are friends.”

Adam tried hard not to feel betrayed by that. It must have shown in his face because Neil sighed. “We became friends before the two of you fucked everything up,” he said. “Kris is a good guy.”

Adam nodded. “I know.”

“Then talk to him, dickhead,” Neil said in exasperation.

“Talked already,” Adam told him.

“He said you ran away like a pussy.”

Adam glared. “He did not.”

Neil laughed. “Okay, so maybe I suggested to him that you ran away like a pussy.”

Adam flipped him off and Neil shook his head. “You two are so fucking stubborn. It makes me nuts.”

“Go away,” Adam turned his face into the sun, feeling the pull of the stitches in his neck and wondered just how the hell he’d managed to fuck everything up so quickly.

“He is so crazy about you, Ad,” Neil murmured. “After all this time he still lights up like a Catherine wheel when he hears your name.”

“Shut up,” Adam gritted, his heart twisting in his chest. “God, Neil, just shut the fuck up.” It hurt everywhere, his throat, his head, his heart.

“Fine,” Neil pushed out of the lounger and stood over him. “But I’m going to just say this. You’re letting your pride prevent you from getting everything you’ve ever wanted.”

He put a hand on either side of Adam’s chair and leaned in. “He’s yours, Ad, always has been, always will be. So he took the scenic route to get here, but the point is, he’s here. Don’t fuck it up.”

Neil walked away then and Adam looked up at the sun, eyes watering in the brightness, the burn making him hiss.

“You should go inside, you’ll burn.” Adam spun in his chair to look at Kris who was standing in the shadows of the house watching him.

“SPF 1 million,” Adam told him.

Kris smiled and it gave Adam a physical pain to see the sadness in his eyes. “Sure, okay, I’ll just…”

“Stay,” Adam held out a hand.

Kris halted and stared at him. “God, you make me feel like a goddamn yo-yo, Adam. I’m frickin’ dizzy with all the to-ing and fro-ing.”

“Stay, please,” Adam asked, hand still outstretched.

The iron cage around his chest eased when Kris stepped forward and came to sit down in the chair Neil had just left. He didn’t take Adam’s hand though.

Kris squinted at the sky. “We might get some rain,” he noted.

Adam snorted. “Weather?”

Kris shrugged. “You’ve avoided talking to me for days, man. I’m just trying to stay with something safe.” He didn’t look at Adam.

“Sorry about that,” Adam said and reached out and touched Kris’ arm. Startled brown eyes flashed up and then down to where Adam’s hand rested on him.

He pulled carefully away. “It’s okay,” he said and his voice cracked. “I get that I messed it up too badly. Just, don’t leave, okay? Stay here, get better. If you like, I’ll go and spend some time with my folks in Conway or with Charles in LA, but don’t leave.”

“Kris,” Adam breathed and suddenly he could see everything clearly. Kris’ heart was right there, bleeding out in front of him and he had just kept stabbing and stabbing at it. “God, no.”

Kris stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’ll just go…”

Adam stood up in a rush and then almost fell over. He still wasn’t anywhere near full strength and he felt a little dizzy. Kris came over to him, hands grabbing his arms. “Whoa, take it easy, man; your body isn’t ready for quick movements yet.”

Adam sat back down, breathing hard. Kris moved back and Adam grabbed his hand. “Need to say something,” his voice sounded like razors again and it was probably because he was so fucking tense he thought he might actually implode if anything moved.

“Please,” Kris tried to pull his hand away.

“Stop trying to leave,” Adam ordered and Kris collapsed into the chair next to him.

“God, Adam, I wish you’d just tell me that you hate me and that you can’t forgive me.” Kris’ eyes were bleak. “You know, cut me loose for good so that I can just stop being so fucking in love with you.”

“Can’t do that,” Adam told him.

Kris stared at him. “I didn’t think you were cruel.”

Adam’s laugh both sounded and felt painful. “You’re so fucking dumb,” he said, shaking his head.

“What Adam?” Kris just looked weary now. “I’m not sure I know what else to say or do.”

“You still love me?” Adam asked.

Kris shook his head. “Okay, I’ll play this game a little longer. Yeah, I still love you.” And now he was defiant.

“I’m stubborn,” Adam said.

“Yeah, so?” Kris asked bewildered.

“I like getting my way.”

Kris laughed. “God, I know that, I think the world knows that.”

“I leave my clothes everywhere.” Adam watched as Kris turned his whole body so that he was facing him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he breathed.

“I take up too much space,” Adam cautioned, still keeping his voice low.

“In every way,” Kris agreed and slowly inched his chair nearer.

“I can be petty,” he warned.

“My brother is Daniel Allen, petty is his middle name,” Kris told him.

Adam felt his mouth curl in a smile. “I get mad too quickly.”

Kris’ mouth turned up in a tentative curve. “I usually miss that, I’m a bit clueless sometimes.”

Adam laughed and let his fingers tangle with Kris’. “I’m a bit of a diva,” he admitted.

Kris leaned closer. “I’ve known that since Hollywood Week,” he confessed. Adam felt that knot inside him loosen and he scooted his chair a little closer to Kris.

“It takes me forever to admit I’m wrong.” He said this carefully, wanting Kris to understand everything he _wasn’t_ saying.

Kris looked at him. “I tend to put things off myself,” he said.

“You took six months to tell me about Katy,” Adam pointed out. His throat was hurting like fuck now.

“That’s ‘cause I’m an idiot,” Kris said. Adam laughed again.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“So, what does this,” Kris flailed his free hand between them, “mean?”

Adam lifted one shoulder. “Not sure yet,” he said.

“Okay,” Kris huffed out a breath.

“We can start with this,” Adam said and he closed those last few inches and kissed Kris.

His eyes were open the whole time and he looked at Kris.

Kris looked back at him and Adam could taste his smile.

**Author's Note:**

>  **notes:** For ally4 who won me for her donation for thepurpledove. She wanted angst. That’s what she’s getting. I hope you like it hun ♥ for buying me!  
>  **Other stuff:** Title is a mangled quote from Richard Wilbur.


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